what should i do

One can't help thinking too much when one's alone.

I have to admit that one of the few main reasons why I wanted to further my studies overseas was; I wanted to run away. Run away from the heartbreak of the relationship and engagement that didn't work out. Run away from all the mistakes I've done and do something that I've been wanting to do for so long, for myself. I never expected the broken heart could heal and love again though. It did when I met a guy 6 months before my flight to Oz, and we were married about a year and a half later. I went back to Oz after the wedding and continued on with my studies, leaving Mr. Hubby back home. We've planned for him to come and stay with me in Oz within the next few months. Three months, 6 months, 9 months; we're still miles apart.

Money. Responsibilities. Money.

After almost a year, things seemed to get better. When we got pregnant, it was truly a turning point. I can't say I wasn't thrilled nor excited but I was a little bit concerned in being pregnant whilst studying and all by myself. I'm a bit behind with my research studies and had heaps to deal with as it is. But Mr. Hubby was ecstatic and is more determined to join me in Oz. We were happy. It was set; early February 2011. Everything planned seems to come together. Until, a mistake from the past creeps in. I can't really blame Mr. Hubby. I love him and his problem is now mine as well.

Money. Study loan. Money. Blacklisted. Money. Can't leave the country, Malaysia. Money.

For some people, it's not much. But for many it's a big sum. It is a lot for us. Mr. Hubby has been trying to find ways to find the money to settle the debt for the past 3 weeks but to no avail. He was close to giving up yesterday. He was as if has lost all hope. I was shattered. But Mr. Hubby seemed all positive and hopeful this morning. It made me feel better. Much better.

Money. Hope. Money.

Although I keep telling myself I'm strong, we're strong, we'll be together soon. I can immediately feel like the world is crumbling down on us. Help!!! There were nights that I feel like going to sleep and don't want to wake up ever. And yet, every morning, God still allows me to open my eyes and breathe. I managed to get myself out of bed, take charge of my life and live.

So, what should I really do?

Lots of prayers. Have faith. Positive thinking. Hope for the best. Be happy. Keep on going.

Sometimes, it's easier said than done. For me at the moment, at least. I do need to think of the lil un inside me more, though. It's not just about myself anymore, eh??!!!

Money. Disaster. Money. Mother nature.

I also do need to remember that there are worst situations going on in other people's lives. All around the world and much closer to where I am, some people lost everything. Some of them are alone, by themselves trying to get back on their feet after the devasting event that hits them; major flooding. My heart goes to them in Bundy, Emerald, Rocky and all the affected areas. The news reported overwhelming donations of clothes, sheets, etc. They are very much appreciated but money donation is more encouraged.

Money.

I need to remember to be grateful, always. Syukur

Cheers!