~...you are not alone...~

The time is 4:51 pm. It turned out to be a very nice Saturday. Sunny yet cooling. I've been in my room most of the day. Had a really nice walk and a quick stop at the lab early this morning. I've been analysing the outcomes of my experiments in between Saturday morning cartoons, making snacks and eating them (regardless of my efforts of getting my ideal slim body for my wedding), a movie (I Love You, Man), random internet surfing, The Girls (a book which I borrowed from Ellie) and a bunch of other stuff that surprisingly in need of my attention pronto. Huhuhu... I could and should have finish my analysis by now. I'll get it done right after this entry. Heh...

There's so much in my mind that I wanted to blog about but it's all tangled-up and I just don't seem to have the right words to note down. I guess I'm just experiencing 'imbalance of emotions' going through me. Is there such a term?! Haha! Direct translation! I always regard it as "emosi tak stabil" to my sisters and friends back home. In other words right now, I'm feeling a bit lonely. It's just weird how you could literally be in the same place and living in a self-contained environment and in the same time zone with other people but you just couldn't be a part of whatever's going on. You know everyone, have no problem whatsoever to strike a conversation and join in for laughs, but somehow, it's all  too awkward. For me at least. Well, here's the thing; almost everyone surrounding me here has started making plans for tonight weeks ago, gone shopping for costumes, probably start drinking by now, and just getting prepared for tonight. Yup, it's Halloween. There's gonna be parties, celebrations and other activities going on all over. Everyone's kinda excited to dress up and have a blast, especially for the Americans that I know. I've learned that it's a really big thing in the States.

Who am I kidding?! It's not just tonight. Eversince I came here, I know I'll be missing out on all the nights' out mostly on Uni Nights (nights where there will be free buses/shuttles to hostings pubs/clubs only for Uni students) and all kinds of parties. Eventhough I don't really know what all the 'fun' is (well, I kinda do know what it's all about but I don't think I'm up for it anyways..heh...), I just hate the feeling of not being there and not knowing what's going on the night before as they are laughing they hearts' out when they talk about it in the next few days. It really sucks!! Huhuhu..I so don't sound like a 28 year old!!!

Wow! I feel so much better now! Haha! I'm so twisted! Letting out your feelings do help, huh? Still feels a bit lonely though. I should have gotten used to all this being alone situation. I've realized being alone helps me appreciate more. I chose not to join in the fun and put myself out there coz I sure can if I want to. So? Make up your mind, Wa!!! Hehehe.. Yes. I know what I should do. I will think only the positive side of everything that has and will happen to me. Huh??? Hehe... I'm being oh so dramatic now. I do have friends that make me feel good and enjoy doing stuff together. I just wish I can have the pleasure of their company more often. Oh well, that's life! =)

All and all, I do hope everyone will have a great nite and enjoy themselves; whatever everyone's doing.

It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were. 

~Anne Landers~

Cheers!